Asslick

Justin (@shitmydadsays) on Twitter

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shitmydadsays

  1. "Any idiot can get lucky once. Takes a special idiot to get lucky twice." New book #ISuckAtGirls out today. An excerpt: es.pn/IVV45i 12:10 PM May 15th via web
  2. "No. Politicians don't wanna scare you, they wanna keep you stupid. Fear is just the smell when ignorance takes a shit." 10:20 AM May 11th via web
  3. "No. I like talking, I just hate people. If I could find other shit to talk to, I'd be all for it." Pre-order new book bit.ly/I3iuqC 12:48 PM May 1st via web
  4. "No, you can be ugly and get laid. You just gotta be willing to screw someone uglier than you." Pre-order new book: bit.ly/I3iuqC 12:06 PM Apr 24th via web
  5. "You screw without rubbers, kids happen. Sorry-you don’t get to have the dog without the dog shit.” Pre-order new book: bit.ly/I3iuqC 11:04 AM Apr 17th via web
  6. "No. You don't even have hair on your balls." Story from my new book about asking my dad to explain sex when I was 9. bit.ly/isuckatgirls 9:44 AM Apr 5th via web
  7. "You're not going bald...No, I meant you're not GOING bald 'cause you're already fucking bald. Don't make me live in your fantasy land." 8:07 AM Mar 23rd via web
  8. "Your favorite team doesn't give a fuck about you." A short story about my dad's thoughts on sports. grantland.com/story/_/id/765… 8:54 AM Mar 7th via web
  9. "Valentine's day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over." 9:40 AM Feb 8th via web
  10. "These candidates are dog shit. All we're doing is picking out the dick that's going to fuck us." 10:56 AM Jan 4th via web
  11. A response to my dad's question, "What happens when they cancel a shitty TV show like yours?" grantland.com/blog/hollywood… 10:41 AM Dec 20th, 2011 via web
  12. My dad explains why he thinks internet comments will end the world. funnyordie.com/articles/32226… 11:01 AM Dec 5th, 2011 via web
  13. "I'm in Cincinnati at a waffle house that's across from 2 waffle houses. Everyone's fat. This city is fucking hall of fame of Diabetes." 9:54 AM Nov 28th, 2011 via web
  14. "Bullshit. War ain't over till people stop shooting. You can't say you're done taking a crap if shit's still coming out of your ass." 10:49 AM Oct 21st, 2011 via web
  15. "There won't be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain't a species made to last." 10:12 AM Oct 12th, 2011 via web
  16. "Bullshit. Don't pretend you don't care about your birthday. It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by." 10:24 AM Sep 14th, 2011 via web
  17. "You can't come...Because it's not a vacation if my family is with me. I could vacation in my fucking house if you people left it." 10:45 AM Aug 11th, 2011 via web
  18. "He's nice now but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit." 10:05 AM Jul 18th, 2011 via web
  19. A short story about why my dad thinks Father's Day is bullshit. scr.bi/ixOHFe 9:24 AM Jun 14th, 2011 via web
  20. "You didn't get a good deal, you were just fucked gently. Trust me, Best Buy will not be the one with the sore asshole tomorrow." kJustin (@shitmydadsays) on Twitterl p Sweet%20girl%20fucked%20movie DP%B3%F6%C6%B7Stoya+Video+Nasty%D3%FB%CD%FB%D6%AE%B6%BC Your Nasty Girls xJustin (@shitmydadsays) on Twitterr DP%B3%F6%C6%B7Stoya+Video+Nasty%D3%FB%CD%FB%D6%AE%B6%BC